Have you ever asked yourself this question?  Seems like common sense, right?  Show up to class, learn some moves, meet some people, feel awesome!  A great experience needs some self-awareness and awareness of others. Let's look at this a little closer.

Firstly, why do we even learn to dance?

8 REASONS WE LEARN TO DANCE (VOLUNTARILY)
There are umpteen reasons but here are 10 common ones.

1. Learn to dance (duh!)
2. Meet new people (for friendship or perhaps more... but don't be creepy in class)
3. Escape from the daily grind and life stresses (family, work, partners, world problems, drama, controversies, general negative energy etc.)
4. Balance life with some FUN (enjoy the music, people, energy)
5. Follow a dream or fill a void
6. Challenge yourself (competition, improve, overcome fears, build confidence etc.)
7. Start a new awesome hobby
8. Prepare for vacation to a Latin American country or dance congress (if your dance of choice is salsa, bachata or cha cha)
9. It's in your soul and it needs to be expressed
10. Connect and vibe with others!  Yes!

IT'S ME TIME
When we choose do so something like dance, we look for an experience that will satisfy our needs, and wants so we can feel great.  Dance has tons to offer...the music, the movements, the people energy,  the vibe.  Feel energized not just after class, but in the moment. Let all that goodness into your soul.  It's ME time :) And on days you need some extra energy,  the music, dance and fellow students can help lift your spirits!

IT'S US TIME TOO!
Our sheer presence in the room impacts the overall vibe of the class.   We feed off energy AND we create energy.  Sometimes we're so into our own experience that we forget about others.  They may be having a blast, totally lost, killing' it, or struggling to stay focused. Your smile or encouragement might be that thing that changes their experience for the better.  
 
HOW YOU CAN CONTRIBUTE TO A GREAT VIBE IN A DANCE CLASS

1. FOR YOU - Come with an open mind, ready to learn and have a great time!  When you're having a blast, it contributes a positive energy in the room! 
   1. Immerse yourself in the experience, leaving your non-dance thoughts at the door!
   2. Don't hold back.  When it's time to go full out, go as all-out as you can.  
   3. This is your journey.  Don't leave regretting that you held back because you cared too much about looking silly to others.   
   4. Challenge yourself and enjoy the moments when things “click”.  
   5. Be patient with yourself if it doesn't "click" instantly.  Learning is a process.  
2. FOR OTHERS - Be aware of others who are also trying to let go and enjoy the experience! 
   1. Give encouragement, smiles, share space (mirror-time), saying hi and bye... all the warm fuzzy stuff.  
   2. In partner work, take care of your partner.  Be patient, smile, participate and don't force moves.  
   3. In partner work, acknowledge when you mess up (which is inevitable).  Somehow this can relax your partner (so they don't get tempted to tell you themselves). 
   4. Leave critique to the instructors (or for when you are asked for your opinion).  Think about how you felt when you received unsolicited instructions from a fellow student.  Usual inside thought "who do you think you are? <insert other not so nice thoughts and criticisms here>".  This is negative vibe, so try to avoid this.  
   5. Learn names!  Humans feel greater connection when you call them by name.  
3. FOR YOUR TEACHERS – Share positive energy with your instructor.  They vibe off of you too!  
   1. Respond when they ask questions like "move on?", "do we have it?" ,"do it again?" "questions?",  It's more fun when there is interaction :) 
   2. Pay attention (save your conversations with friends for breaks or before/after class).
   3. Try.  It's not about getting the moves perfect, it's about effort.  Instructors love seeing you have fun, but also seeing progress over time.  
   4. If you enjoyed the class, let them know! If you have suggestions or requests, AND if they are open to hear them, tell them in a respectful way.  

Let these ideas marinate for a bit.  We all can improve our self-awareness and awareness of others.   In dance, especially in Latin street dances, the experience is shared with partners, team mates, instructors, and friends! Radiate the your best energy and create an authentic joy that will keep you and others around you smiling. 

ENJOY!

We’ve all heard the saying “the follower is at the mercy of the leader”, and to a great extent it’s true.  We’re supposed to follow his choice of moves, how and when he wants to do it.  And when feels good, it’s oh sooo good – it flows effortlessly, it’s musical, it’s playful and she can’t wait for the next dance.  As followers, we seek those leaders who we connect with, who adapt to our skill level but can challenge us, those who share a similar groove, taste for musical style and enjoys interacting with us, not just dancing AT us. Every follower has her own special mix of traits that has her craving for more. It’s not necessarily about being the fanciest, it’s about creating an experience.  Hopefully it’s a good experience, but sometimes it’s not 😬.  Fellas, there’s some really basic things that will turn off a woman, so pay attention and steer clear of the “Top 8 Reasons She Hopes You Won’t Ask Her for a Second Dance”.
 

1. HE DOESN’T MAKE HER FEEL SAFE  
   When you dance with a woman, she expects you to take care of her and not lead her into dangerous territory or oncoming traffic. While she’s not simply passenger on this ride, as the leader, you’re in charge of the “moves” as well as her safe navigation through the jungle of dancers.  When you lead her into other people, you’re not protecting her.  So instead of enjoying the dance, she’s in defence mode protecting herself since you aren’t. This is one easy way to lose her trust.  You can even make bystanders nervous when they stand or dance near you.  If you’re that guy who constantly (and unapologetically) bumps into other people or sling shots your partner into everyone in her path, that’s just scary.   The moral of the story here… pay attention, protect her and manage your space!
   
   
2. DRUNK DANCING
   Just don’t do it guys.  You’ll always be remembered as THAT guy who was so hammered, couldn’t stand up straight, slobbered all over his partner and maybe even puked on her. Gross.  We all know that heavy drinking doesn’t mix well with salsa dancing.  Maintaining good balance is tough even when you’re 100% sober.  But for many, it’s part of the dance experience.  It’s social, takes the edge off, gives you some liquid courage to ask women to dance or helps you to let go instead of being a tight a$$ on the dance floor.  If you find that you reek of alcohol and are out of control (maybe you aren’t a good judge at that point – so hopefully your friends will help you before you make a fool of yourself), it may be time to just dance shines for the rest of the night if you insist on staying.  Remember, friends don’t let friends dance drunk. 
   
   
3. IT HURTS TO DANCE WITH HIM 
   It’s the 21st century and as women we may be independent, but most of us still like to be treated like a lady.  Let’s be explicit here…man-handling is a BIG NO-NO.  If you have to force a move, then something isn’t right – might be her, you or your connection together.   Forcing a move is great way to show a LACK of awareness.  Great leaders “listen” to her level of responsiveness and then adapt to it on the fly. If you feel a lot of resistance, take that as a sign.  Don’t force it or pile on more moves if she's wobbly and hasn't recovered from the last move.  Calmate!  To their defence, many leaders may not realize how “rough” their lead can be. If you’re not sure, get feedback from an experienced follower whose opinions and honesty you trust. Shoulder injuries are extremely common for salsa dancers.  It does't help that most of us hit the dance floor without stretching, so it’s partly our own fault. Outside of that, many leaders do not know their own strength, or haven’t yet learned how timing, elasticity and frame can eliminate the painful technique of suddenly yanking a girl’s shoulder out of her socket (let’s assume that the we’re talking about responsive followers here).  If you focus on connecting with her by using groove, timing and frame you’ll be able to add musical dynamic, quick stops, direction changes all without breaking her arm.  Leading smoothly (even during a high energy salsa) is a skill that takes time to develop and it starts with self-awareness.  
   
   LISTEN TO HER RESPONSIVENESS when you dance, and you’ll stand out among the sea of schmucks who don’t. 
   
   
4. DIVA DANCING
   Just like women, men can be divas…sometimes even worse than women. Let’s do a self-check.  Here’s some typical male diva behaviours:
   1. Wearing sunglasses at night:  Unless you forgot your prescription glasses, or lost a contact lens and all you have are your prescription shades, there’s probably no reason for you to dance with sunglasses on in a dark club.  It puts up a wall up between you and your partner and can give the impression that you're just too cool to show any expression.  You might actually be cool, but really cool guys know how to do this with their dancing and their awesome attitude.  
   2. Not smiling/looking bored out of your mind:  No one wants to feel like you’re doing them a favour by dancing with you.  If you’re having a fun dance, why not crack a smile every now and then?
   3. Not making eye contact:  Making playful eye contact is a great way to create connection and show interest in a dance. Looking away the whole time can project a sense of arrogance, that you’d rather be dancing on your own, or that you can’t wait for this dance to be over.  If you’re not a diva, know that this is one of the most common complaints, so check yourself and correct  yourself so people don’t get the wrong impression about you. 
   4. Solo dancing:  Generally speaking, salsa is a partner dance.  We’ve all been there before – you're in love with a song and you just want to get down.  If your partner can’t groove with you, you decide to just disengage so you can enjoy the dance for yourself. Don't leave her stranded.  Partner dancing is a conversation, remember?   
   5. Unsolicited corrections on the dance floor:  Unless someone is asking for feedback during a social dance (which really isn't the time or place unless you're okay with it), don't teach on the dance floor.  She may not be looking for an assessment and may actually be more experienced than you.  And that move that you keep trying to correct her on?  It might just be you unclear lead.  So think twice before giving her some unsolicited advice about her following or giving her dirty looks when your move doesn't work.  
   6. Never apologizing for your errors:  We all make mistakes on dance floor.  Sometimes it's you, sometimes it's her, and sometimes it's external factors like the drunk guy that keeps bumping into you.  If it's your mistake, it's nice to hear an "oops, my bad!" to help the other person know that you can recognize when you make a mistake and aren't infallible.  Then you can laugh about it and say "no worries"!  It keeps the dance light and shows a level of humility. 
      
      
5. STARING  
   I know it seems like we complain about no eye contact, and now we’re here talking about staring 👀.  It’s all a fine balance.  Dancing is interactive and there’s so much energy, character and feeling in one’s eyes (yet another reason not to wear sunglasses in a club).   Good eye contact can be sexy, flirty, playful and fun 😜  BUT every now and then fellas, you need to look away.  And don’t forget to blink.  Staring and not blinking is creepy, and is one sure way for her to avoid looking at you.  When she’s forced to disengage because your staring is making her feel weird, you’ve just lost connection.  Put your eyes back in your socket, remember to blink.  Be playful, not creepy. 
   ​     
6. OFF BEAT
   This is a frustration that applies to followers who have good timing, and use that skill to connect with her partner.  In the absence of words, music is our common language.  Not only does it inspire movement, it provides the very basic elements of the dance like the pace, which in turn dictates the rhythm and speed at which we move.  Needless to say, music is crucial when you’re trying to coordinate steps and turn patterns with another person.  At the very least, a predictable rhythm is needed to coordinate 2 people. When your steps and rhythm are random, it’s like she's on a wild goose chase.  She has no tools to help her understand what you're doing.  This is mentally painful.  Avoid complicated moves until you have mastered your basic timing and rhythm.
   
   
7. HYGIENE
   Some of biggest complaints about male leaders are BO (body odour), bad breath or over-the-top sweatiness (this applies to women too!) We know the drill.. shower, use deodorant, bring extra t-shirts, use mints instead of chewing gum like a cow, maybe use some cologne but don’t overdo it.  Don't place her hand on that pool of sweat collecting on your neck, or spin like the Tasmanian Devil, spraying sweat on her like high powered sprinkler.  The easy fix?  Bring extra t-shirts and a towel, and take some breaks to dry yourself off and freshen up :) 
   
   
8. OCTAPUS ARMS (UNSOLICITED GROPING)
   We know that most guys started to learn salsa (or bachata or kizomba) to meet girls.  #nojudgements #justsaying.   There aren’t many environments that make it acceptable to dance so close with a ton of girls in one night and not think anything of it. Having said that it’s not a free-for-all to grope her under the “guise” of “dancing”.  While some women are brave enough to be vocal about their discomfort, many women are not.  Instead of saying something, they may just avoid you with the hopes that you’ll get the hint.  No one wants to have that uncomfortable conversation which might hurt someone’s feelings.  Respect her space and pay attention to her comfort level.  Be a gentleman.  If she gives you a clear green light to get closer, then proceed at your own risk. 
   
   

Guys, we hope that this list gives you some useful insight!  Great leaders are awesome not just because of their technical and artistic ability, but also their spacial awareness and their talent for communicating with their partners without being forceful.  And that extra special something....they project an attitude that is confident yet warm, gracious and humble.  This is a winning combo that women cannot resist.  Let's keep making great experiences on the dance floor!

A huge thank you to all the ladies who contributed to this list :) Did we miss any? Comment below!

Related blogs:
8 Reasons He Won't Ask You for a Second Dance

Ladies… so you think you had a super fun dance with a great dancer.  But you wonder why he never asks you for a second dance.  Most guys won’t tell you why, but here are some common reasons…
 

1. FINGER SQUEEZING
   Unfortunately, leaders are subject to the dreaded “finger squeeze” by women supporting their weight and balance by squeezing their partner’s fingers like they’re milking a cow.  If you’re a finger squeezer, you’re a potential source of injury for your partner.  Make it a priority to improve your balance and own your steps to avoid benching him.  Injured men means fewer dances for the rest of us and we don’t want that!
   
   
2. MAC TRUCK & INVISIBLE FOLLOWING 
   This is not about weight, rather about tension/tone.  Achieving a nice, fluid, comfortable connection with your partner is needed to let expression flow freely.  When it feels like the leader is basically dancing FOR you (physically dragging you everywhere, keeping your time and balance), it’s a workout. You could be 90 pounds but could be the heaviest follower in the club.  Leaders don’t want dance FOR you, they want to dance WITH you.  Listen to the music, stay on time, and manage your own balance.  Imagine if you had to carry him while he was dancing…for 3-5 minutes. On the other hand, when a follower is too light, she can feel invisible.  He feels like he’s chasing you.  Kind of like dancing with a ghost... he can see you but he can't feel your presence enough to lead you.  (This is not the same as back leading).  Whether salsa, bachata, cha cha or Kizomba, there’s a certain level of elasticity needed in your connection for a true lead and follow to happen.  When you find that right level of elasticity, you’ll feel like you’re actually dancing together and isn't that what it's all about?
   
   
3. BACK LEADING
   Trying to guess what a leader is going to do defeats the purpose of following.  And it can ruin the connection you have with your partner.  Great followers are awesome at responding to the leader’s….well, lead.  Women are often afraid of being behind or missing the lead, but sometimes we think too far ahead and anticipate what’s about to happen. In doing so, you’ll likely miss the lead, interrupt his flow, mess up timing, and ruin your connection.  It takes skill to wait for that lead and have that right level of responsiveness.  That skill can set apart good followers from awesome followers.  Your first job as a follower is to follow.  There can be only one driver :)  So try not to “guess” what’s going to happen because you’re going to miss the fun of “feeling” what he’s going to do in the moment and where he’s going to take the dance.  
   
   
4. HIJACKING
   ​Hijackers take back leading to another level.  In the hijacker bucket include: 
   1. Over-stylers who take every opportunity to ram in every styling element they know in one count of eight, for the whole song whether or not it matches music.
   2. Social performers who use excessive energy (often taking down her partner) as they eyeball the crowd and potential onlookers. 
   3. Self-dippers who propel themselves into dips without a lead from her partner.  This is an accident waiting to happen. And can injure your unsuspecting leader. 
   4. Over-spinners who always try to squeeze in extra turns... just cause.  He leads 2, she does 3.  He leads 3, she tries to do 6 as he chases her wobbly unspotted spins across the dance floor, ready to catch her totally off beat and unmusical fall.
      
      Don’t be a hijacker.  Leaders don’t like dancing with them.  
      ​
5. THE WILD HORSE
   The wild horse follower usually doesn’t have a good command of timing, musicality or following technique, so she steps randomly with no particular connection to the music or what her partner is leading.  She’s might be completely oblivious to this, having a blast in all the randomness, OR possibly freaking out because doesn’t really understand how to follow (yet).  The wild horse is one of the most difficult types to lead because you just can’t control her.  Her lack of frame means you can’t even help her stay on time unless you put her in a kizomba hold and lock her down. Ladies, if you’re new to dancing, keep it simple and don’t be “extra”.  Tip: practice your timing on your own, take some classes, learn shines, listen to music, get feedback from a trusted instructor and keep it simple.  If you’re experienced, know your #1 job – to follow, and you’ll build a connection that will allow for more controlled “extra”. While there’s tons of freedom to play with in salsa, there are certain rules that help make it flow, and help your leader know where your weight is.  If you’re taking extra steps/missing steps or breaking back on 5.5,6,7.75,8, you’re making your poor leader suffer in confusion.  Moral of the story, don’t be a wild horse.  
   
   
6. DIVA DANCING
   This includes, but is not limited to:
   1. ​not smiling
   2. never making eye contact to show interest in the dance
   3. looking bored/looking around at other dancers
   4. lazy stepping/following like you’re too good for this dance
   5. giving negative energy
   6. giving looks of disgust when a move doesn’t work/blaming him for everything that doesn’t work
      
      Outside of technique, your attitude could be a turn ON or a turn OFF.  Men like confidence, an easy going vibe, a sexy attitude.. but not an “I’m too good for you” attitude. Sometimes it’s simply bad taste, however it's possible that some women don’t know they're doing it.  Be a friend and let your best gal friend know if she’s a dancing diva.   Whether you’re dancing with a beginner or someone you consider a superstar, it’s good etiquette to give him a positive, happy vibe :)
      
      
7. B.O.
   It may seem like women are the ones complaining about bad breath or BO, but it goes both ways. Keep some mints handy (avoid the potential choking from gum chewing), a change of clothes, deodorant and body wipes.  Don't make hygiene the reason he doesn't come back for more. 
   
   
8. "SECRET" WEAPONS
   This category is more about awareness and has nothing to do with actual dance technique, but it’s worth mentioning.
   1. Sharp jewelry (great point suggested by several readers):  Rings with sharp stones/ edges or flying necklaces can leave your partner feeling like they've been on a battlefield.  Similar to the "jump" test we do with our outfits to ensure there aren't any unwanted surprises, test your jewelry on yourself and see how it feels when scratch yourself with it.  If you see blood or scratch marks, maybe better to find less dangerous options. 
   2. ​Braided ponytail weapons:    If you’re planning on dancing where there could be some spinning involved, high braided pony-tails can be considered a weapon.  Imagine a stiff, tightly wrapped rope whipping you in the face with every turn.  Save that hair-do for Kizomba.

 
So girls, let's do a self-check every now and then, and make some adjustments as needed.  Let your dancing speak for itself and make him want to come back for more!  Happy dancing!

Thank you to all the men who shared their stories and opinions over the years!  Let's make our dance experiences even better :) 

Fellas, did we miss any? Comment below!

Related blogs:8 Reasons She Hopes You Won't Ask for a Second Dance