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8 Reasons He Won't Ask You for a Second Dance

1/27/2017

Ladies… so you think you had a super fun dance with a great dancer. But you wonder why he never asks you for a second dance. Most guys won’t tell you why, but here are some common reasons…

FINGER SQUEEZING
Unfortunately, leaders are subject to the dreaded “finger squeeze” by women supporting their weight and balance by squeezing their partner’s fingers like they’re milking a cow. If you’re a finger squeezer, you’re a potential source of injury for your partner. Make it a priority to improve your balance and own your steps to avoid benching him. Injured men means fewer dances for the rest of us and we don’t want that!
MAC TRUCK & INVISIBLE FOLLOWING
This is not about weight, rather about tension/tone. Achieving a nice, fluid, comfortable connection with your partner is needed to let expression flow freely. When it feels like the leader is basically dancing FOR you (physically dragging you everywhere, keeping your time and balance), it’s a workout. You could be 90 pounds but could be the heaviest follower in the club. Leaders don’t want dance FOR you, they want to dance WITH you. Listen to the music, stay on time, and manage your own balance. Imagine if you had to carry him while he was dancing…for 3-5 minutes. On the other hand, when a follower is too light, she can feel invisible. He feels like he’s chasing you. Kind of like dancing with a ghost... he can see you but he can't feel your presence enough to lead you. (This is not the same as back leading). Whether salsa, bachata, cha cha or Kizomba, there’s a certain level of elasticity needed in your connection for a true lead and follow to happen. When you find that right level of elasticity, you’ll feel like you’re actually dancing together and isn't that what it's all about?
BACK LEADING
Trying to guess what a leader is going to do defeats the purpose of following. And it can ruin the connection you have with your partner. Great followers are awesome at responding to the leader’s….well, lead. Women are often afraid of being behind or missing the lead, but sometimes we think too far ahead and anticipate what’s about to happen. In doing so, you’ll likely miss the lead, interrupt his flow, mess up timing, and ruin your connection. It takes skill to wait for that lead and have that right level of responsiveness. That skill can set apart good followers from awesome followers. Your first job as a follower is to follow. There can be only one driver :) So try not to “guess” what’s going to happen because you’re going to miss the fun of “feeling” what he’s going to do in the moment and where he’s going to take the dance.
HIJACKING
Hijackers take back leading to another level. In the hijacker bucket include:
1. Over-stylers who take every opportunity to ram in every styling element they know in one count of eight, for the whole song whether or not it matches music.
2. Social performers who use excessive energy (often taking down her partner) as they eyeball the crowd and potential onlookers.
3. Self-dippers who propel themselves into dips without a lead from her partner. This is an accident waiting to happen. And can injure your unsuspecting leader.
4. Over-spinners who always try to squeeze in extra turns... just cause. He leads 2, she does 3. He leads 3, she tries to do 6 as he chases her wobbly unspotted spins across the dance floor, ready to catch her totally off beat and unmusical fall.
  
  Don’t be a hijacker. Leaders don’t like dancing with them.
THE WILD HORSE
The wild horse follower usually doesn’t have a good command of timing, musicality or following technique, so she steps randomly with no particular connection to the music or what her partner is leading. She’s might be completely oblivious to this, having a blast in all the randomness, OR possibly freaking out because doesn’t really understand how to follow (yet). The wild horse is one of the most difficult types to lead because you just can’t control her. Her lack of frame means you can’t even help her stay on time unless you put her in a kizomba hold and lock her down. Ladies, if you’re new to dancing, keep it simple and don’t be “extra”. Tip: practice your timing on your own, take some classes, learn shines, listen to music, get feedback from a trusted instructor and keep it simple. If you’re experienced, know your #1 job – to follow, and you’ll build a connection that will allow for more controlled “extra”. While there’s tons of freedom to play with in salsa, there are certain rules that help make it flow, and help your leader know where your weight is. If you’re taking extra steps/missing steps or breaking back on 5.5,6,7.75,8, you’re making your poor leader suffer in confusion. Moral of the story, don’t be a wild horse.
DIVA DANCING
This includes, but is not limited to:
1. not smiling
2. never making eye contact to show interest in the dance
3. looking bored/looking around at other dancers
4. lazy stepping/following like you’re too good for this dance
5. giving negative energy
6. giving looks of disgust when a move doesn’t work/blaming him for everything that doesn’t work
  
  Outside of technique, your attitude could be a turn ON or a turn OFF. Men like confidence, an easy going vibe, a sexy attitude.. but not an “I’m too good for you” attitude. Sometimes it’s simply bad taste, however it's possible that some women don’t know they're doing it. Be a friend and let your best gal friend know if she’s a dancing diva. Whether you’re dancing with a beginner or someone you consider a superstar, it’s good etiquette to give him a positive, happy vibe :)
B.O.
It may seem like women are the ones complaining about bad breath or BO, but it goes both ways. Keep some mints handy (avoid the potential choking from gum chewing), a change of clothes, deodorant and body wipes. Don't make hygiene the reason he doesn't come back for more.
"SECRET" WEAPONS
This category is more about awareness and has nothing to do with actual dance technique, but it’s worth mentioning.
1. Sharp jewelry (great point suggested by several readers): Rings with sharp stones/ edges or flying necklaces can leave your partner feeling like they've been on a battlefield. Similar to the "jump" test we do with our outfits to ensure there aren't any unwanted surprises, test your jewelry on yourself and see how it feels when scratch yourself with it. If you see blood or scratch marks, maybe better to find less dangerous options.
2. Braided ponytail weapons: If you’re planning on dancing where there could be some spinning involved, high braided pony-tails can be considered a weapon. Imagine a stiff, tightly wrapped rope whipping you in the face with every turn. Save that hair-do for Kizomba.

So girls, let's do a self-check every now and then, and make some adjustments as needed. Let your dancing speak for itself and make him want to come back for more! Happy dancing!

Thank you to all the men who shared their stories and opinions over the years! Let's make our dance experiences even better :)

Fellas, did we miss any? Comment below!

Related blogs:8 Reasons She Hopes You Won't Ask for a Second Dance

Author

Caryl Cuizon, iFreeStyle.ca Co-founder.

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HOW TO BE A BETTER DANCER: Master your Basics

1/6/2017

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(repost from 2014)

We live in the era of instant gratification.
We want to see results ASAP, right now… yesterday even.
We like challenge, but don't let your ego get in the way of your own growth. When it comes to dancing, it’s a bad idea to skip or rush through learning the fundamentals.

If you want to know why, READ ON. While the reasons can apply to dances in general, we’ll focus on the Latin street dances – salsa, bachata, cha cha.

5 REASONS WHY INVESTING TIME IN LEARNING THE BASICS IS A GOOD IDEA
The basic steps, timing, and technique in dance provide a foundation for EVERYTHING that you’re going to learn going forward. With great fundamentals, you’ll acquire knowledge and skills that can serve as “short cuts” to learning new things. You’ll ALREADY understand and can execute the most elementary skills like timing, lead and following technique, weight transfer so you can focus on what’s NEW.

SKIPPING LEVELS AND FAILING TO ACQUIRE SOLID TECHNIQUE = A HOT MESS
It’s so refreshing to meet students who say “I’m interested in learning to dance properly and don’t mind starting from the beginning”. That is someone who understands the value of great fundamentals :) Unfortunately, this is more an exception than the rule. Most people like to be challenged. Being bored doing the same thing is no fun. However, if your goal is to be a better dancer, your time and money are better spent taking a progressive route, building on skills that you learn and put into practice on the dance floor as soon as possible.
RUSHING INTO STYLING WITHOUT SOLID TECHNIQUE = A HOT, AWKWARD MESS
Most ladies can't wait to start learning how to "style", but often it's too early. And leaders are so eager to add flare (speed, complexity) to their dancing without knowing how lead a clear basic or cross body lead in salsa, or hold frame in bachata. Imagine a house built on an uneven foundation – if you try to add new levels, the house is probably so shaky that it's bound to collapse. Similarly, styling without body awareness, timing, coordination, or contra body movement can turn into an awkward situation for both the dancer and anyone watching. We all seek challenge, but take the opportunities to learn and practice great techniques from people who know. There is ample challenge in gaining solid foundations.
LESS IS MORE
While we all crave to learn the latest and greatest, experienced dancers know that intricate moves are built on top of great technique. In the Latin dances there are basic steps, basic timing, and essential partnering techniques required to communicate with each other on the dance floor. Forget styling or fancy moves if you aren’t even dancing together. Step 1 – connect with your partner! And interestingly, many experienced dancers enjoy dancing less “busy”, appreciating great connection and musicality over complexity.
YOU CAN FEEL MESSY BASICS – NO ES BUENO
Most dancers are attracted to the fun and connection they see in Latin dancers – the magic, the sensuality, the way that two complete strangers can move as one on the dance floor. It feels amazing when you have a great connection with someone and can actually feel their lead or follow. It’s heaven on earth. Things like being off time, bouncing, being too strong or invisible can be distracting, not to mention prevent some playful or intricate partner work from being executed well.
IF EXPERIENCED DANCERS VALUE & PRACTICE THEIR BASICS, IT’S NOT TOO BASIC FOR BEGINNERS
It seems that the more experience a dancer has, the more he/she understands that you need to practice to master their basics. In other classical dance styles like ballet or modern, you’ll find dancers with years of experience in the beginner level classes so they can continue to master those elementary skills that they use in more advanced dance moves. In salsa and bachata, it’s not uncommon to see students with less little dance experience trying to ace an advanced class. We all need challenge to keep us interested and motivated, but if you want to be a better dancer, master the basics.

Stay focused on the goal..."To be a better dancer". Be patient. LEARN YOUR BASICS. Practice your basics. Enjoy the rewards in the long term :) You and your partner will thank you for it!

Author

Caryl Cuizon, iFreeStyle.ca co-founder.

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iFreeStyle.ca Dance Blog

8 Reasons He Won't Ask You for a Second Dance

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HOW TO BE A BETTER DANCER: Master your Basics

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